Saying my dreams out loud

dedicated to my 12 yr old self

I was twelve years old when I first heard about The Continental Divide. I was hiking with my family in Colorado, and our path crossed with another path in the middle of the mountains. We stopped, and my parents explained that we were standing on the ridgeline that divides the flow of the rivers all the way from the top of Alaska to the bottom of Chile. To the east of us, all the rivers flow into the Atlantic, and to the west, they flow into the Pacific. Along this line, there is a trail that starts at the US/Mexico border in New Mexico and ends at the US/Canada border in Montana, and some people hike The. Entire. Thing.

I never forgot what it was like to be a little girl watching a couple of backpackers pass by us that day and wondering what it was like to be one of them. I wondered where they had come from, and where they were going. Were they doing it? The whole thing? I remember looking out across the mountains and feeling my wonder taking root somewhere inside me that would later be forgotten. But in that moment, as the thin, dirt trail stretched out ahead, I thought to myself, maybe I’ll do that one day.

Ten years later, I was twenty-three, working in the middle of a forest preserve on the island of Kaua’i known as The Alaka’i. There’s a lot to say about this place. I often think of the Alaka’i as my first greatest love. It is a place that I feel like I could spend forever in, and it is a good place to dream…

It was an especially rainy week, and my coworker Bow was stuck with me at a field camp we called “Upper”. If you’ve ever been stuck waiting out rain with someone where there’s no service, you’ll know that you get bored enough to start asking every question under the sun (which was currently hidden by clouds). It was this way that I found out that Bow, whom I had known for a year at this point, had actually hiked the CDT. The. Entire. Thing. Upon discovering this, I had to know everything about it. My forgotten wonder ran rampant in the preceding weeks as we continued to get stuck in the rain, and I tried to get every detail I could about the trail out of my otherwise pretty private friend. How long did it take you? What did you eat? Did you want to quit? How long did you go without showering? Did you have a trail name? Did you ever run out of water? Was it worth it? Before I knew it, I was once again dreaming and imagining what it would be like to be one of the backpackers I had seen long ago. I remember telling Bow that I was starting to think about doing it. The. Entire. Thing. And he looked at me and said, “I think you totally can”.

Since then, I knew hiking the CDT was somewhere in my near future (even if it meant leaving the Alaka’i), and I’ve been telling people so ever since - for three years, actually. I’m sure some people stopped believing that I was actually going to do it. But I will forever be grateful to those who didn’t.

Of course, when you tell someone you’re going to do something daunting. Expensive. Maybe crazy? They want to know why.

As someone who resists sharing my dreams with other people, it’s sort of difficult for me to explain why. At the risk of sounding ridiculous, the best way I can explain it is that I feel called to. I genuinely believe that for whatever reason, I’m supposed to do this. Like it’s written in the stars sort of situation. Like all paths have led to one type beat.

And this one is 3,100 miles.

I don’t have a lot of expectations. Maybe I’ll find some answers I didn’t know I was looking for. Maybe I’ll encounter God in a way I never have before. Maybe this will be the most pointless thing I’ve ever done in my life. I don’t really know what will happen, but I do know that I have to find out.

So here I am, now twenty-six, announcing on the Internet (cringe) that, starting in May, I will be hiking the CDT(northbound) with the intention of finishing in early October. I imagine that there will be times I might want to give up (maybe before I even start), so I’m hoping to continue using this space to track and process my journey - for myself, but also for anyone who may want to follow along.

Wish me luck!

MP